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Discussion Starter #1
An American is having breakfast one morning (coffee, croissants,
bread, butter and jam) when a Frenchman, chewing gum, sits down next to him.
The American ignores the Frenchman who, nevertheless, starts a conversation.

French man: "You American folk eat the whole bread??"

American (in a bad mood): "Of course."

French: (after blowing a huge bubble) "We don't. In France, we only eat
what's inside. The crusts we collect in a container, recycle it, transform
them into croissants and sell them to the states." The Frenchman has a smirk
on his face. The American listens in silence.

The Frenchman persists: "Do you eat jelly with the bread??"

American: "Of Course."

Frenchman: (cracking his gum between his teeth and chuckling). "We don't. In
France we eat fresh fruit for breakfast, then we put all the peels, seeds,
and leftovers in containers, recycle them, transform them into jam and sell
the jam to the states."

The American then asks: "Do you have sex in France?"

Frenchman: "Why of course we do," he says with a big smirk.

American: "And what do you do with the condoms once you've used them?"

Frenchman: "We throw them away, of course."

American: "We don't. In America, we put them in a container, recycle them,
melt them down into chewing gum and sell them to France."
 

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Discussion Starter #5
A RECENT STUDY FOUND OUT WHICH DAYS MEN PREFER TO HAVE SEX..
IT WAS FOUND THAT MEN PREFERRED TO ENGAGE IN SEXUAL ACTIVITY
ON THE DAYS THAT STARTED WITH THE LETTER "T".

FOR EXAMPLE:

TUESDAY
THURSDAY
THANKSGIVING
TODAY
TOMORROW
THATURDAY AND THUNDAY

_________________________________

WHY MEN GET OUT OF BED........

A RECENT SURVEY WAS CONDUCTED TO DISCOVER WHY MEN GET OUT OF BED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT:

5% SAID IT WAS TO GET A GLASS OF WATER.
12% SAID IT WAS TO GO TO THE TOILET.
83% SAID IT WAS TO GO HOME.

__________________________________


THE PERFECT BREAKFAST...as a man sees it...

YOU'RE SITTING AT THE TABLE AND YOUR SON IS ON
THE COVER OF WHEATIES.
YOUR MISTRESS IS ON THE COVER OF PLAYBOY.
AND YOUR WIFE IS ON THE BACK OF THE MILK CARTON.

__________________________________

(Q) WHAT'S THE BEST FORM OF BIRTH CONTROL AFTER 50?

(A) NUDITY

__________________________________

(Q) WHAT'S THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A GIRLFRIEND AND A WIFE?

(A) 45 LBS.

__________________________________

(Q) WHAT'S THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A BOYFRIEND AND A HUSBAND?

(A) 45 MINUTES.

__________________________________

(Q) WHAT'S THE FASTEST WAY TO A MANS HEART"

(A) THROUGH HIS CHEST WITH A SHARP KNIFE.

__________________________________

(Q) WHAT DO YOU CALL A SMART BLONDE MALE?

(A) A GOLDEN RETRIEVER

__________________________________

(Q) WHY DID OJ SIMPSON MOVE TO WEST VIRGINIA?

(A) EVERYONE HAS THE SAME DNA

__________________________________

(Q) WHAT'S THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A SOUTHERN ZOO AND A NORTHERN ZOO?

(A) A SOUTHERN ZOO HAS A DESCRIPTION OF THE ANIMAL ON THE FRONT OF THE
CAGE, ALONG WITH A RECIPE.

_________________________________

(Q) WHAT'S THE CUBAN NATIONAL ANTHEM?

(A) ROW, ROW, ROW YOUR BOAT

__________________________________

(Q) WHAT'S THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A NORTHERN FAIRYTALE AND A SOUTHERN
FAIRYTALE?

(A) A NORTHERN FAIRYTALE BEGINS, "ONCE UPON A TIME."
A SOUTHERN FAIRYTALE BEGINS, "Y'ALL AIN'T GONNA BELIEVE THIS SHIT!"
 

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Thats sick yo, How the hell do u fuck her, jump inside and bust a move? :lol: :lol:
 

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Due to increasing products liability litigation, American liquor
> manufacturers have accepted the FDA's suggestion that the following
> warning
> labels be placed immediately on all varieties of alcohol containers:
>
> WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the hell
> happened to your bra.
>
> WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering
> when you are not.
>
> WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like a
> retard.
>
> WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell your friends
> over
> and over again that you love them.
>
> WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to think you can sing.
>
> WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that ex-lovers

> are really dying for you to telephone them at four in the morning.
>
> WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you can logically
> converse with other members of the opposite sex without spitting.
>
> WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you have mystical
> Kung Fu powers, resulting in you getting your ass kicked.
>
> WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to roll over in the
> morning and see something really scary.
>
> WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of inexplicable
> rug burns on the forehead, knees and lower back.
>
> WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are
> tougher, smarter, faster and better looking than most people.
>
> WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe you are
> invisible or worse, bulletproof.
>
> WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are
> laughing WITH you!
>
> WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause a disturbance in the
> time-space continuum, whereby gaps of time may seem to literally
> disappear.
>
> WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause pregnancy.
>
> WARNING: the consumption of alcohol may mack you tink you can tipe reel
> gode.
:blink:
 

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Discussion Starter #10
Five surgeons are discussing who makes the best patients to operate on.

The first surgeon says, "I like to see accountants on my operating table,
because when you open them up, everything inside is numbered,"

The second responds, "Yeah, but you should try electricians. Everything
inside them is color-coded,"

The third surgeon says, "No, I really think librarians are the best;
everything inside them is in alphabetical order."

The fourth surgeon chimes in: "You know, I like construction workers. They
always understand when you have a few parts left over at the end and when
the job takes longer than you said it would."

But the fifth surgeon, Dr. Morris Fishbein, shuts them all up when he
observes: "The French are the easiest to operate on. There's no guts, no
heart, no balls and no spine. Plus the head and rear end are
interchangeable."
 

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Discussion Starter #11
Exercising is very important.

It has been known for many years that Sex was good exercise, but until
now nobody had made a scientific study of the caloric content of
different sexual activities. Now after "original and proprietary"
research they are proud to present, to the LOVE group, the results.

REMOVING HER CLOTHES:
With her consent.................................12 Calories
Without her consent............................2187 Calories

OPENING HER BRA:
With both hands...................................8 Calories
With one hand....................................12 Calories
With your teeth.................................485 Calories

PUTTING ON A CONDOM:
With an erection..................................6 Calories
Without an erection............................3315 Calories

PRELIMINARIES:
Trying to find the clitoris.......................8 Calories
Trying to find the G-Spot......................4092 Calories

POSITIONS:
Missionary........................................12 Calories
69 lying down....................................78 Calories
69 standing up..................................812 Calories
Wheelbarrow.....................................216 Calories
Doggy Style.....................................326 Calories
Italian Chandelier.............................2912 Calories

ORGASMS:
Real.............................................112 Calories
Fake...........................................1315 Calories

POST ORGASM:
Lying in bed hugging.............................18 Calories
Getting up immediately...........................36 Calories
Explaining why you got out of bed immediately...816 Calories

GETTING A SECOND ERECTION: If you are:
20-29 years......................................36 Calories
30-39 years......................................80 Calories
40-49 years.....................................124 Calories
50-59 years....................................1972 Calories
60-69 years....................................7916 Calories
70 and over........................Results are still pending

DRESSING AFTERWARDS:
Calmly...........................................32 Calories
In a hurry.......................................98 Calories
With her father knocking at the door...........5218 Calories
With your wife knocking at the door..........13,521 Calories

Results may vary
 

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:lol: those were all good jokes..except the pics..u know stevo86 would of liked that one
 

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Discussion Starter #17
Notes for the New Sitter (Our Child's Not Spoiled!)

1 Because Olivia is a very intelligent, sensitive child, it's important to respect her feelings. So don't ever tell her no.

2 If Olivia misbehaves, try very quickly to figure out what you did wrong that forced her to express herself in this way.

3 Olivia sometimes likes to tie up her babysitters. The rope is in the bottom drawer of the dining room bureau.

4 She likes her sandwiches cut into the shape of various fictional characters, so I've left a copy of The Wizard of Oz and an X-Acto knife on the kitchen counter. Don't worry if you have trouble at first with some of the smaller shapes - Olivia will become more tolerant of your mistakes as she gets to know you.

5 Because Olivia's gifted, she experiences life very intensely and may from time to time choose to express any feelings she has toward you physically. This is fine - the Band-Aids and wound dressings are under the sink in the bathroom.

6 We don't approve of trying to make children grow up too soon, so please put away her clothes and toys, clean up any food she's tossed, and pick up her room when she asks you to.

7 If she starts to whine or has a tantrum, there's ice cream in the freezer and cookies on the counter to help her calm down and let her know you hear her.

8 Olivia may ask you to play bad dog and owner with her, and since she's so bright, she may assume that you know she means you're to be a bad springer spaniel. I've left a book with pictures of several common spaniel behaviors, facial expressions, and body postures on the hall table. She doesn't like it if you bark too loudly.

9 Olivia is very intuitive and knows just what her own body needs, so she'll tell you when her bedtime is.
Thanks! We'll be home by midnight.
 

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Discussion Starter #18
A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced ten husbands. On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle, I'm still a virgin."

"What?" said the puzzled groom. "How can that be if you've been married ten times?"
Well, Husband #1 was a sales representative - all he did was keep telling me how great it was going to be.

Husband #2 was in software services; he was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he'd look into it and get back to me.

Husband #3 was from field services; he said everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn't get the system up.

Husband #4 was in telemarketing; even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver.

Husband #5 was an engineer; he understood the basic process but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method.

Husband #6 was from finance and administration; he thought he knew how, but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not.

Husband #7 was in marketing; although he had a nice product, he was never sure how to position it.

Husband #8 was a psychologist; all he ever did was talk about it.

Husband #9 was a gynecologist; all he did was look at it.

Husband #10 was a stamp collector; all he ever did was...God! I miss him!

But now that I've married you, I'm really excited!"

"Good," said the new husband, "but, why?"

"You're a lawyer. This time I know I'm gonna get screwed!"
 

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Awesome jokes AZ325Ci! :laughhead: :laughhead: :laughhead: I ran across this one the other day.
 

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