pics would help. Are you sure you have the right adapter? if you don't, it is possible no one makes an adapter for that model, although I find it unlikely that is the case.
If it is, you can hardwire the HU or hardwire a male adapter in place to work with the female adapter you have.
<span style='color:gray'><span style='font-family:Courier'>1995 e36 3 Series RIP
1999 e46 3 Series BURN IN HELL
2000 MR-S Roadster= Current</span></span>
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